I am considered as a highly articulate person by many but at times when certain topics were brought up, I find myself having troubles to speak up. Well, to be precise, I actually avoid them at all means and am used to keeping them to myself.
The truth is, I feel protective of myself a lot of times I don't know why. Making a confession here may well be opening up myself because things I am not good at saying verbally, to me, could be better expressed in words here.
Maybe, just maybe, I feel like there is no one looking out for me so I need to take good care of myself. If I get damaged, which I already am, I have no idea how to fix myself. So I might just as well remain the status quo and keep things unchanged. This way I don't get hurt and I hurt no one. The world in this regard has no influence on me; and I could seek pleasure and excitement elsewhere.
Probably years after when I look back I would not be able to trace my train of thoughts at the moment but who cares, at least I try now. And I am living.
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